Bad coffee, bad days, and bad everything

Has anyone had one of those days? Where everything just went…bad?

This morning, my day started off with the realization that one person has the capability of taking down an entire ship of people. Hard to do, but do-able over the course of a single time frame. Of course it had to be from a conversation from the night before as well, but essentially the fact that one person can be than manipulative to take down that many people reveals the darkness of people’s hearts.

As someone who has been manipulated before, it’s honestly frustrating and angering for me to see how people can be such. Whether they play the victim and blame others for whatever situation they’re in, to actually utilize either to bring attention to yourself is something that I feel like one ought to really think about in depth to see whether they are that way or not. It’s weird because at work, someone is like this towards others (whether they know or not, I don’t know), but to see someone I know do that to others (I wish you can see me shake my head).

As I think about myself, perhaps the anger lies deeper than what I’m seeing. After all, I’ve identified myself as one who was manipulated, blind to the fact that I could be someone who would call herself a victim of emotional abuse is hard. I know people are coming out with things like anxiety and issues that affect them, but I’m not saying this in a light manner. I really was emotionally abused by others and sometimes, it’s hard to talk about it. As an outsider, I would ask, how could you endure whatever abuse for so long? Whether physical, mental, or emotional abuse, I asked that question within my mind, all the time. Yet, coming out of such, myself, and reading about emotional and mental abuse, I remembered reading a pamphlet that was at my work place and I nearly cried because out of 10 signs of emotional abuse, I had 7. To think that I was manipulated in such ways and experience what I had experienced is angering. In more ways than one, I’m glad I got out of such to rebuild my life and make new friends, because in all honesty, now that I’m out, it’s no wonder that people who had gone through what I had gone through are saying such and the people on the inside are in full denial of such is a sign that even people inside are being deceived.

I guess this really puts it out there — I left a rather toxic environment that was controlling, manipulative, and utilized sound words to justify a lot of things that made logical sense even to those who are educated. By educated, I mean those who have above a bachelors degree. How is that even possible? I wish I knew. I wish I knew, because I was one of them and at times it’s hard to even fathom the fact that I was manipulated and later became a manipulator. Trust me when I say that there are days when I think about what I’ve gone through and ponder how I was so fooled and later did the same until I chose to leave.

This post isn’t a venting post, but it’s become one because it’s one of those days where man everything just seem to have gone so wrong — from seeing a manipulator taking advantage of others, to a simple mobile order that was done all wrong (how can someone mess up coffee with sugar and cream right?), to meetings where we have to take a pause despite 8 months of hard work.

There’s a song by Daniel Powter, probably made in the 90s, but it’s a song that I was listening to while driving home from work.

Where is the moment we needed the most? You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. They tell me your blue skies fade to grey, they tell me your passions gone away, and I don’t need no carryin’ on. 

You stand in the line just to hit a new low. You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go. You tell me your life’s been way off line, you’re falling to pieces every time, and I don’t need no carryin’ on.

Cause you had a bad day, you’re taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around .You say you don’t know, you tell me don’t lie, you work at a smile and you go for a ride. You had a bad day, the camera don’t lie. You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind. You had a bad day, you had a bad day.

Many, it’s a song that just resounds in me today because a lot of times today, I had to put on that smile with a bad cup of coffee to go. The more time passed, the more I felt like man the day is just getting worse. Honestly, today, no music is going to cheer me up, no beauty video or make up on my face will lift my spirits, no…today ’twas a bad day….and all I can do right now is wait for tomorrow, because it’s a new day.

Surprisingly, that rhymes….

Anyhow, not all days are pretty and full of cheer. Today is one of those days.

Here’s to tomorrow, a new day.


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